TheInfamousMeOnlineDiary

2009-10-19T06:34:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I have moved. I hate using blogger and some other external factors. Now i have figured another source to blog which i find better. Aye, i moved again my dear friends. SWEET. Asked me for my URL. And asual, link me up if you want you too for i cannot be bothered to do the linking and all.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-17T09:25:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Just like my previous post. After so long, finally i am sick. I am happy about it really, but sad indeed due to the fact that i have to miss my lessons. I have already missed three of them in a week. Just when i am beginning to get serious about my studies.! Oh well. Shit happens ey?

I’ve been told that the only way to do well in engineering is to fall in love with it.haha!! justhow? To fall in love with engineering also means that i need to fall in love with math and physics!!!!( mati saya mati!!) haha. Jesus man! I AM SO NOT BORN TO BE A NUMBER FREAK! Haiyayayaik! (saya boleh meninggal saya bilang awak sekarang!) part of me wanted to give up. but it’s a fucking waste. I chose to be in this course, so face it then. After all it was my choice.(well oh well)

There is this human being( Roy, i thinked his name) there are a few Roy-s that i know and this one is currently doing his degree.( i think) i so cannot remember about it. well, he helped me in a way or another. He helped me look at the bright side of engineering! Weeeeeee.

The best thing of engineering is that wherever you go, you can get a job. Even if you want to be in the IT sector of even biz, you can definitely find yourself a good job. If you are under IT and you tried to go under engineering, you can’t. Even being in the entertainment world, it’s hard to survive especially here in Singapore. It’s rather hard to survive.You will be needing luck more rather then hardwork to get a good pay.(unless you are a journalist or working outside Singapore). Science, it is forever needed and Singapore is needing it like forever. With engineering, where ever you go, you are needed too. Especially in the aviation sector. Its a real good deal to be in this sector. Future wise, its already there. Singapore is working hard in this sector. Aerospace aviations and yadayadayada All you need to do is work hard. The pay in this sector is wow. One of the best jobs to have.(ok this is a mix of what some of my seniors and outside friend have to say about this course of mine) one of the many, where you go in this world, you won’t be out of job thingy to be studying. But of course, engineering is rather tedious compared to most things or schools that are being offered.( i swear i have to agree). Oh well, whatever and where ever we are right now, lets just pray that god have mercy on us all.Amen.

Falling in love with math and physics aye?( i’m thinking twice about this really)

Come to think of it all, i am thinking twice about most of the things in my life right now.oOOoh fyza starts to think. better pray you are not in her thinking list.HAHA!!

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-17T00:38:00.000-07:00

SALAM

"for the first time after so long, i fall sick with high fever of 39.4. haha. i love it. itsbeen so long. i long for it indeed. i missed alot of lesson at school.which i hate it.i miss almost the whole week of lessons.nevermind. you know how things work with me.lol. anw, off now. GHAJINI here i come! amir khan la! weeeeeee."

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-14T06:45:00.000-07:00

SALAM

When a GIRL is quiet ...

millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing ...
she is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how
long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers ' I'm fine ' after a few seconds ... she is not at all
fine.

When a GIRL stares at you she is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest .. she is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL says ' I love you ' .. she means it.

When a GIRL says ' I miss you ' .... no one in this world can miss you more than
that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....

Find a guy .. who calls you beautiful instead of hot.

who calls you back when you hang up on him.

who will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who ..... kisses
your forehead.

Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.

Who holds your hand in front of his friends.

Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he
is to have you.

Who turns to his friends and says, ' That's her!!

Now, lets think everythings through again shall we?

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-13T23:34:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I know i never update anything about raye. Hmm. Let’s just say that i cannot be bothered with this year raye. Just cannot be bothered. So let’s just leave out the details.

The class is warming up. It’s a good sign.

Engineering design, fucked up module. many reason behind it. Comm, when u have Christ as your faci you cannot afford to even dislike it. Physics, cannot be bothered about it(but i will be revising on it though). Cog, still the same only much more tuff. Math, female faci is just so fuzzy!

I’ll update more on a later date.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-10T22:44:00.002-07:00

SALAM

"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life."

~Albert Camus

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-06T22:27:00.000-07:00

SALAM

"all this new changes is a killer.at home is just fucked up.been smoking like some old man. what they told me kindda saddened me but at the same point makes me feel relieved.i am just so upset with you for that lie for i have zero tolereance for liers. i am tempted to test that theory of hers.but i know what is at stake here.i have no problems with my studies right now. i am not struggling with it. but i am having problem adapting to this new environment all over again.i just don't wanna get involve with anything at home again. i mean it when i said i will just let go.im leading a (good?) life , but why is that somehow i feel kindda lost at tyms?maybe its not lost. i dun know.somehow deep down i know there is justs something that is not right. i don't know what, i don't know how.infact i don't even understand it.and when this feeling resurface itself, everything else will just need to be stopped until i get myself straight all over again.what did i just said? now i'm lost.wth fyza??..."

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-06T19:07:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I am supposed to be in school but here i am at mac blogging and doing my other stuff. I purposely didn’t went to school today. i feel sucky about the class. where are mi mates who always create cynical jokes? Mi miss mi W14Gs. mi miss all the funness of it all. i’ve always looked forward in going school during that particular semester. It was the best class that i’ve ever had. The togetherness of us and the craziness of us. it was really something. Instead of being homesick. I am being W14GSICK!

That class is driving me insane in some ways. I realised that there are many clever student in there compared to the slacker ones. There are not many crazy people in it. jesus man. Why must the system be this way?? i hate it(well not just me i bet). But nevermind, i shall give it sometime. This is so not motivating. Oh well fuck it. stick to what i know,go with the flow. But then again, i must say, i miss all those laughs-till-i cry-and-cannot-breathe-forget-the-world-go-home-stomach-aching-laughs. I miss them all.

I swear i hate engineering design as much as i hate dnt. Well not that much but still. LOL!

Comm was ok. physics i don’t know because i am here blogging. Cognitive i will be checking it out tomorrow. Math Friday. I am praying for all the teams that i will be in. hey, teams plays a bloody darn fucking important factor doofus! Oh save me!( trust me there is a reason why i said this)

Lappy is creating trouble with me. I feel like smashing it on a rock.

I’ve been losing things ever since school reopen. The day before yesterday was my contact lens casing. I left it in the darn toilet. I was busy looking at this girl who is putting on her make up until i forgot about my lens casing. Yesterday i misplaced my ezlink!!!! I was and is still upset with myself about it. i cannot find it. i think i must have forgotten to place it back in my jacket pocket when i am done peeing. I took it out along with my hp. I placed the ezlink underneath my hp on the shelf on top of the cubicle as i was afraid that they will fall of from my side jacket pocket. Then when i am done, i took my hp out with me forgetting all about my ezlink. If this is exactly how i lose it because i cannot fucking recall where i when wrong. So i assumed that this is what that really happened. Gosh! this is the second time. i don’t know what to say. Trust me i am disappointed about it.

haila.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-04T07:13:00.000-07:00

SALAM

welcome new semester.

new class with new classmates. i don't know what and how should i be feeling.i tried uploading the picture but the names are just oh so small.
this is the modules that i will be learning.
i swear i hate the idea of me taking physics and that it is on day three. which also means that despite of anything, i will have pyhsics on wednesday even though the rest of the module arrangements changes. fuck!
i have math 2 which includes A math.holy jesus man!
engineering design is intriguing me.
i need to start collecting points! points, here me and wiya come!
i pray that i will get what i want in this particular semester.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-02T17:37:00.000-07:00

SALAM

“All that i am left to say is that the after math of just one wrong decision that i made few years ago is surfacing right now. the first setbacks of its kind. i admit that this is rather hard for me. when i have all my plans mapped out right infront of me and the path staring at me and all that is demanded out of me is just hardwork. I tried to stick to what i know and how i always handle it all but it seems that it is not working and i have to come out with something different this time. despite of it all, i can’t hide this disappointment within me.”

KHUDAFIZ

2009-10-02T03:41:00.000-07:00

SALAM

i went to receive my PRIZE on the 28/9 at unity with hannah accompanying me. after the ceremonies were done. we had chit chats with some teachers. and we decided to walk around the school compound. so as we were walking. there is this posters of the 5 school values being pasted on the big empty wall of leading to the staffroom. i was taken by suprised. and so did hannah. and we both laughed our hearts out right infront the posters who is also staring back at us! haha. we looked funny and super geeky.we purposely do ourselves that way( ;D ) hannah with her trademark, folded sleeves!!! me, my thick black specs!!! and we kept on laughing non stop. we then decided to keep our eye open while touring the school just in case there are our pictures that is stuck somewhere. by the by, this was our first visit to that school after the day we collected our o level results. its like ages ago. i know.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-29T17:18:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Syawal did not turned out the way i want it to be(or the way i hoped atleast.) i will never forget this syawal ever. This year’s syawal will go into my never-going-to-be-forgotten-list( and it will be in the first few positions that is.) not a good one for me. i just hate it all(minus the foods).

School’s starting soon. I don’t know what to expect. New classmates and some new modules and facis.that’s how life in rp is. not forgetting back to the no-life kind of life all over again. well i guessed. Just stick to the way i always play with life’s game, just go with the flow.

Went back to unity to receive my PRIZE! Which is a certificate on a rather shiny and thick piece of paper and also a $30 borders voucher! What the fuck? (aye i know) plus, i need to laminate the darn certificate myself.(haiya)

I have weird human being adding me up at tagged and giving me weird messages. What a werid weird weird world.

Met haiqal the other day just to waste time and chit chat. he said: i never knew you would changed this much fyza. after everything. there is still apart of you that remains but the others just changed.

Dear haiqal and to some of you guys out there,
Everyone changes in a way or another. Things just happened. with or without our blessings. Where is the fun in life if everyone that we know just remains the same from the start till the end? Change is inevitable. That’s part of life.

The question is that, why do they changed? People changed for many reasons.try to search for the reasons and just maybe then you will learn to accept the person and the changes that comes with them. we accept everyone for who they are, not for who we make them to be. They make themselves not us. they were given choices in life and it’s up to them to decide what’s good for them. whereas we, all that we could do is to just give them guidance on which one is better and which is not. there is no power in us to choose for them the choices that they are being faced with. They need to learn from their own mistakes.

But here is the catch my dear one. some people do change. While some, they’re just starting to tell you of who they really are. This kind of person is hard to come by. But when they’re really infront of us. we thought they changed but the truth was, they are revealing their true self to you. there is a fine difference between this two things that you ought to know. figure it out.

This is all that i have to say.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

SALAM

SELAMAT HARI RAYA!!!!. So after a month of fasting, here comes raya. COLLECTION HERE I COME!! LOL! Andandand, FOODS HERE I COME TOO!!! LOL. Andandand, i get to dress up my hearts out! LOL. Aye, i’ve gone mad( i know! don’t need to remind me!haha) raya galore is here and i can’t stop it from getting under my skin.(heee!)

But the end of ramadhan also means the end of dengdengdeng too.=( i dun like. I’ve always like dengdengdeng(just like most of us) well, nemind. Lets just pray that i will live long enough for the next ramadhan.=)

By the by, i think i better take this opportunity to say a few words to everyone who is an avid reader of my blog and people that i know plus those that i don’t too and those who happened to drop by AND i don’t care how old you are, how you looked, your race and yadayadayada. So long as you’re a human please do read as this concerns you.(heee!)

Selamat hari raya you guys. Come all the temptations and yadaydayada, we still managed to stand our ground and successfully complete ramadhan. Though our ramadhan might not be like those staunch muslims but we still (atleast) made it.=)

Forgive my mistakes. those that i’ve made directly or other wise.

Forgive my words for if they have hurt you and crushed your everything for even i am just a mere human being who ain’t born to be a saint.

Forgive my every reactions as at times, even i too don’t know what was i doing and what will be impact of my reactions to you.

Forgive the way i expressed myself here and there because that is just the only way that i know how too.

If i was given the chance to rewind back time, i will and i will do anything to prefect myself but what are my wills.

As ramadhan is leaving making way for syawal,

i took this very chance that i have.

to apologize for every little tiny mistakes or even the little-est scratch that i have and had caused to that fragile heart of yours.

What might be a jester for me might not be to you and i apologize for that.

What might be soft to me might not be to you and i still apologize for that.

Same like you, i too am still learning and trying.

I my put egos down today this very moment.

I put my dignity aside.

I bow to you.

Forgive me..

Fyza.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA YOU GUYS!!! May this year’s celebration be a joyous one and a memorable one to you guys and me!

p/s: it is difficult ok to see fyza put her egos and her dignity aside ok!hahas. =P

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-17T20:14:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Lately as raya is coming fast, i felt different. I’ve been trying to figure it out since last Tuesday, but failed. I feel weird. The environment, the situations, my surroundings and yadayadayada.. feels different. Weird is the word i think.i don’t know. i have got not a single clue. I am trying to stay chill about it. but..oh pfft! I hate having crisis with myself(well my inner self i think). Its just such a pain in the ass you know. and it is also something that i would want to get rid off.haiyaikyaikyaik...

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-16T22:40:00.000-07:00

SALAM

i think i want to change on the way i blog. Lol. Aye, i need to change the way i blog and all. i mean it. there is just something not right about the way i blog this particular blog of mine. And aye, i think it’s time i begin to change it. this particular blog of mine is becoming much more personal and i begin to realised that, this particular blog is like the place i vent all my unhappiness about some people.

The thing is, people always took my silence as an advantage. I don’t like it. i mean why is it that people always took to their advantage? When i admitted defeat does not mean that i am weak or anything. It’s just to me, i know how bad my words can get. I know how hurtful my words can be and i don’t intend to hurt anyone that comes my way. i don’t intend to crush their everything with my everything. i mean to me, what’s the point?

I have always accepted everybody as they come. Never once did i judge. Never once did i shit talk about it. never once i took it to my advantage. But why is it they should take mine’s to their advantage instead? To me, mere humans like us are never prefect why not we just learn from one another and try to prefect our flaws rather than the opposite?

Unlike some, i don’t find pleasures in being two faced. Once i dislike it or you, i will definitely put those feelings of mine into actions. I am a person of my words. Once i hate, i will hate no matter what. no exceptions. Even the slightest thought of you disgust me. unlike some, they can still hang around the person and all. not me. like i said, i will definitely put my feelings into actions. it’s hard for me to hate, but once i hate. I will hate you.

I find peace just by playing everything low. It’s totally easy for me to blend in with everyone and also, everyone don’t need to be faking around me. i prefer that way. we have all witness is it not? how some people will act around people who is like very loud and yadayadayada and how will they exactly accept this people.some will even try to fake everything just to be in this league. I don’t like that. and i just don’t find anything cool about it. showing the world of who we truly are. What purpose does it serves? Nothing really to me.

But i hate it when, they completely took my kindness and my low profile-ness as a weakness. Darn i hate it. i cannot even tolerate it a single bit. i mean why?just why is it that some people just want to mess around with me and keep provoking me to see the other side of me? why? Why do they even want to try me? when i just sat at the corner and see everyone else behaviour and thinking, they took it that i am weak? I don’t get it some people some time. Why try me? some don’t even know me but they talk about me like they know me real well. Like they know what the real deal is all about. I mean what the fuck is that all about? I never want to judge you. i never want to really analyse you. i never want to put my ability to the test but why are you making me? some people are just so invisible to me but when they begin to talk about me like they know me, they begin to materialised infront of me.

I hang out with people who appears normal and low and all does not mean that we are. We don’t like it if people talk shit about us so same goes to them. we still respect them and we are all still sane. We play everything low because what’s the point? In the end, we are just still humans? Aye? that was why, i can never give a shit about what you think of me(unless with a concrete reasoning) because in the end it is me who is leading my life and it is a human nature to always have their own not-satisfied feelings with the other human. So you see, i can’t really be bothered about it.

I use this blog to vent my everything down and to let people see the other side of me. the sides that they fail to see. That side that they thought was never in my blood. Oh trust me motherfuckers, i was born with it not nurtured with it. i was born with it. thus, i think i will be changing the way i blog as off now and please bitch. No matter how much of a bitch you are or you can be, you can just never level up to mine.

KHUDAFIZ

sh

2009-09-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I heard that results are out! haha. But i don’t plan to even have a glance at it. i am just waiting for the class posting results.haha. well. There is the first for everything aye? and i must admit this is the first for me. and i am trying to adapt to it and get everything straight with myself and also with all this new routine and friends and environment.( hey, in rp, things change ok every semester!mind you!) so anyway, bottomline is, i am trying and i am almost there already. I just need to make myself much more straight-er and better. must admit. all this thing is such a challenge and sometimes even i get carried away by it. heee.

Well my birthday was on the sept 1st ey? Haha. Well, that whole week was just so tiring. my every available time was taken up either with myself or the rest. i never knew that by having my blog published again will invite many of them to it. i thought you know. well, i thought that maybe they have all forgotten me and you know, everybody change and everybody move on.so yea.

Hmm. I think i’ll take this particular time and a small portion of this post to say thank you to everybody who made the effort to wish me that day,before and after. Thank you guys so much. I really appreciate it.that you guys remembered and do take the effort to wish me and everything else. To those who bought me gifts, thank you guys so much. To those who put up with my buzy schedule on that particular week, thank you oh so much. The emails, the comments, the msn, the meet up session, the phone calls, the messages, the cards, the gifts and all. thank you guys so much. If there is a word that is much more powerful and will show you how greatful i am, then that is the word that i will use. But for now, thank you is the only word that i know. so people, really really thank you so much.

Raya is just hours away now. i am rather excited about it. well, i’ve always like raya because of the foods that can be found. Hahas. plus collection!(yehyehyeh, masih boleh dapat duit raya!!yehyehyeh!!!)haha. Suke! Haha, and as usual, after raye, shopping! Whatelse? Hahas

I received this phone call from unity sec while i was bathing just now, mummy gave it to me despite of that particular fact. i don’t know who was the person. she was mentioning something about prize presentation that is going to be held on the 28th(Monday) she said i am too dress smartly and come for the(event). I am receiving a (prize) for being top in mother tongue last year. (-_-) lol! Haha.so yea.haha. maybe just maybe i might be coming. We shall see how though!

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-13T22:56:00.000-07:00

SALAM

It’s been a hectic week. I just realised that i am out almost all day long. Morning sleeping, afternoon went out, at night meet up dear friend or alone to smoke. Late at night msn-ing, webcam-ing,texting,chatting on the phone and yadayadayada. In the wee hours of the morning,sleep. Interesting month indeed.

Hmm.decided to change the song and the picture all over again. i am getting bored with this skin and i want to change it but then i just can’t seem to get something that i like or catches my eye. So i decided to change the song and also the picture. Lately i’m hooked up with this kind of songs. I was randomly listening to songs on my lappy when this song just blast out of no where. i can’t remember from where this song came from but then its sounded real nice. so aye. i decided to put it here since i am becoming bored with the appearance of this particular blog of mine.

I watched hum tum yesterday. Missed 1hr of the first part of the show. But then, it was like nothing major i thinked? Hmm. There was something that caught my attention about the show. Hahas.

All this curfew is getting on my nerve. It’s fucking pissing me off. oh well.

Hmm.raye is around the corner now. And i am like almost done with the preparations except the fact that my room is not fully cleaned yet(lazy la).

Well i guessed that’s about it for now.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-09T18:36:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I need my drinks back. i just need it back. the only way i know that will numb away every emotions and every thought that’s in my mind. at times i just wished that i am back again during sec3 where everything in my life is just so sweet and just plain easy. No curfews no heartache and everything else. How i wish i could turn back time to that particular moment in moment and rewrite back my life. true, treasure and appreciate things either it is bad or otherwise and just pray and learnt from it. i admit that is true. That is what we will always say to ourselves or anyone who comes to us for help. But don’t deny it, at the back of our mind, we still keep thinking how life would have been better if only we could turn back the time. If given the chance, everyone will definitely seize the opportunity. But what are our wills??

Why do i drink? That’s the question that people tend to ask. The only reason i drink is just to numb my everything. the only way that is available for me to run away from every problems and also to not bore anyone with my stories. Some said that, that is such a stupid thing to do. But to those who understands what a delight drinking can offer you, you will understood what i said. I don’t drink for leisure but i do smoke for leisure. Surprisingly, i keep all this particular habit of mine well hidden, that not all know about it and somehow i like it. keeping things as low as possible so that humans cannot really judge who i really am.

I needed to be ok. i needed to be fine. I needed to be strong for those who come to me for help. They needed me. but then where are they when i needed them? and where is the strength that i need in order to be strong? I try to tell myself that i am not the only one in this fucked up world who is going through a very bad time or who is facing the worst crisis with life but then i can’t help but to ask, do you want to switch places with me? lead my life? feel what i feel? Think how i think? View life from my point of view? Do you want that? really i would give you anything just so that you can lead my life. have a taste of what’s it like to be in fyza’s shoes because there is no words that can describe how my life exactly is. The fun times that i have that is being paid with my own pain. Hahas.

My inside is empty. After reading that particular post in that particular blog that very night a few months ago, my everything shattered. My hopes crushed. My dreams broken. My heart stabbed and cut into gazillions of pieces. I have nothing inside of me. i have nothing left inside of me. my emotions frozen, i am running away from everything and anything that have got to do with feelings. Because i don’t have any. True from a person’s point of view, to those who looked at me using their bare naked eye will see that i have everything that anyone would ever asked for in life. my social life, the way i think, how i played everything so low, my attitude, my personalities, my things and everything else. True i have everything. but look carefully into me using your heart and soul. You will see that there is nothing inside of me. my inside is all but gone. Those smiles, those cynical jokes are just for the sake of it. there is nothing left inside of me. literally nothing. What is feelings? What is emotions? Because so long as i remember i don’t have any of it anymore. Tears? Heartache?what are all of that? it’s been ages since i feel one. what is it all? because unlike some, i have lost my faith.

I totally learnt my lessons well enough and i don’t intend to repeat it all over again. if can, for eternity. Though i will admit that there is still barb by barb of me that still have those hopes of a happy ending and all but in truth, i don’t dare to risk it anymore. Why risk getting yourself hurt all over again for something that you are so unsure of? Why? Why all those pain? Why all those hurt? why? True heartaches are part of life which will make us understand life even more and grow up and mature i can never agree more. But why is it that you want to put yourself into that position all over again when you know you cannot handle it all? why? For something that you are so unsure off? i don’t feel like i am strong enough for that..

Now, i really do hope that all this answers some of your doubts and it killed most of your curiosity,boy.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-05T21:54:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Virgo has been called picky and critical for far too long. Well, here's where it ends. This sign's certainly into details -- there's no doubt about that. But that doesn't mean that these idealistic, humble folks don't care about others; in fact, it really means that they care so much about helping everyone look, sound and be their best that they're willing to risk coming off as 'picky' or 'critical' to do it -- which is quite a generous sacrifice.

Truth be told, however, Virgo's good at sacrifice, and at making lemonade out of lemons. These extremely tender hearts are always willing to help, and their sharp focus allows them to take charge of even the toughest situation. So if you're a Virgo yourself, you know that when you're that good at grasping particulars, it's quite natural to see flaws -- hence that reputation for being nitpicky. But if it weren't for you, the rest of us would miss the trees for the forest, so don't ever let anyone put you down for your keen eye! We all need troubleshooters in our lives, people who are able to see the potential problems in a situation before they develop -- and that's definitely Virgo. So get out there and find one of these meticulous folks; enjoy a lesson in careful observation and tell your pal that their ability to appreciate minutiae really is precious.

When it comes to relationships, Virgo is as devoted as a sign can possibly be. These sincere souls are willing to do whatever it takes, whenever it's needed, to let their beloveds know just how dear they are. And if you're close to a Virgo, you can attest to the fact that they're the proud bearer of one of the keenest wits in the entire zodiac, thanks to that sharp eye and those quick, accurate comments. As a partner, this sign's as faithful as they come -- like all the earth signs. (Don't forget: Being earthy, after all, means that Virgo was given the gift of fully appreciating the sense of touch and the importance of closeness.) So don't hesitate to reach out and touch a Virgo you know and love -- and let them know how valuable they are to you.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-04T23:50:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I have already had the plans laid out(like finally??!!). HAHA!!! I am not going to colour my hair back instead i will highlight and perm it. (Daniel’s bright ideas). Colour wise. I already know what colour. So as usual, i will do it like a week before raya or before. As for clothe, got it. just one will do(i am still contemplating about it really!) already bought this one that cost me $180 and i am thinking should i or should i not get another one(when most of my clothe are still in good condition and i only wore them ONCE and not forgetting that they cost me a fortune) so long as i recall i never had bought a raye baju that cost less than $100!(i have such a taste for my clothing, that is why i only went shopping when i had a sum of money). I too already had in mind the kind of bag that i want to buy this year. It seems like ages since i bought a bag for raya. Shoes, i will buying them soon. Accessories and make up, later can talk.

I am asking mummy to pester brother to support me for my driving lessons! Haha. Seriously, please do something good to me for once in your life and before you get married brother!:)

My face is getting worst and it is pissing the fucker out of me. darn that sales person last year! I hate her man. If it wasn’t because of her, my face will still be fine. Fuck her! Oh well, just got to hang in there man fyza. just hang in there.(yea right! So much for hang in there.)

This week is rather buzy. met different people during the days and at night i met another different people again. and late at night, i met people through webcams and msn. Been buzy like hell. I miss my storybooks and my mp3 and the ME time that i use to have late at night.

Chatted with Daniel on the phone recently and aye, i miss him. we chatted about many stuffs and that is how the hair thingy come about. Will be meeting him soon enough. just me and him again. for my birthday sake and for every other sake there is.

Something crossed my mind the other day. i was reflecting on everything and out of the blues i asked myself this, do i really exactly belong?? This belong means many things. that question surprised me. i was dumbstruck. I have got no answer for it. Gazillions of things when through my mind. Gazillions. I am beginning to pull myself away from some friends of mine. Seriously, i really hate this ability of mine. Really, i hate it. just simply put it, i am not that stupid after all you guys. Even without needing to hear a word coming out from you or anyone that crosses my path, i can tell their everything just by looking at them.(darn i hate myself for this.)

On a random note, i begin to realise that this particular friend of mine is effing fucking pissing me off. girl, what you said and what is plastered on your face is not the same. From your tone of voice and everything else, is not the same babe. Just what is your problem exactly with me. i have known you for years and it is pissing me off.( i swear it man i really do) i am just not like some people who you can easily fool.

Somehow some people or infact most people thought that when i showed interest and enthusiasm in whatever they said is because i am really interested and maybe just maybe i won’t figure it out that they are talking shits with me.(funny isn’t it?) but i wonder do they know that i hardly forget whatever they said and that i will always be thinking everything through whenever i am free? Or even when i already know those facts, i actually acted like i don’t really know and if you still continue lying around with me. god knows what happened next. I am well known for my no tolerance for shit talkers. I always many people this, why are you trying to be someone else when you are with me when the truth is that i will never judge and i am not bothered by it at all? i am not like most people. I will not judge, i will not like talk bad about you behind your back or giving you faces and everything else like that. because i know, we humans are not perfect. I accept everybody that is around me and those that i know openly. I accept all of you for who you guys really are. So why do most of you need to be talking shits with me when in truth, i just don’t bother about them all? i am who i am and you guys are who you guys are, why try to hide it away and try to be flawless or cool or what? what is the point?

KHUDAFIZ

2009-09-02T23:55:00.000-07:00

SALAM

HAPPY BELATED 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MI SELF. I hope that i will have a blast this year and now that since i am officially legal i do hope that i won’t be too out of control! Hahas! i know i have made a wish list somehow,somewhere. ;D

i thought i want to return back to secondary school during the teacher’s day eve. But then i was just plain lazy. I want to look at some faces but then again due to the fact that i am sleepy, i can’t be bothered. So i just slept my way through happily. The apexes of the sleep is lovely. I figured that many will not turned up so i can’t be bothered either and make things worst there is no concert so just well, fuck it you see.

Things is getting on my nerve at home. Everything is fucking pissing me off. (pfft! Speechless) i thought things are supposed to be getting better? but from my point of view, things are getting plain worst and undoubted ridiculous. (oh well, fuck it)

Hmm. parts of my face is still swollen and red due to that cream. FUCK! Haha. My mistake too i bet. Fyzafyzafyza. well trust me, i thought it was going to be just fine. I never thought it would be that worst.lol. serve me right la ok.( i know!)

I am suppose to be saving money but then i end up wasting them around. Shit me. i should have not bring too much money with me whenever i go out. And by the way i do think that you people would understand me when i said this, EMOTIONALLY FROZEN.

“It doesn’t take a scientist to understand what this means, but it takes a heart and mind to exactly understand what this truly means. emotionally frozen...”

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-31T22:53:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Do you know that currently i am hating my life? since when do i have a curfew?? Like FUCK! Since when on this fucking earth that i have a curfew?? FUCK YOU LA. the way we think and we react to certain stuff is different. I ain’t like sister who will blindly follow all of your orders despite of the fact she is rebelling in silence. Nah ah. Not me. i am just not her and don’t even pray that i am like her. I will never follow any your orders blindly. I live by my believes and my reasons. I am a person who plays with reasons and my own say. You both know that well enough. i still have my respect for you both. I am still sane. But they are thinning away. We are being punished for your mistakes. Like WHAT THE FUCK?? Because of you, we have to pay the price. Darn shit you man! I hate you. i hate you for causing this misery right now. I hate you for all the freedom that i’ve been restricted too. the idea of you both are my parents and therefore i need to obey you is BULLCRAP!! Remind me again in what century we are in right now?? Those rules are for faggots who are styl stucked in their own world. you want me to understand you and respect you but where are your understanding and respect for me?? i am your child thus i don’t deserve any respect and any level of understanding from you guys??

Darn man. Darn you! oh i have such a level of understanding and respect for humans ok. i swear i do. But i hate it when they don’t have it for me. i am not like sis who will just remain silent and let you say what you want to say. Nah ah. Wrong person. So long as your reasons are not concrete just plain unreasonable, trust me, i will just weaken it for you. i am who i am. i am what i make myself to be. NOT YOU NOT ANYBODY. but me. the theory of: your brother is a guy and he is sensitive and he can do anything he want does not work with me my dear parents. THAT FUCKING NOT WORK WITH ME! we are in the 21st century dammit! Not some 19th century or what! you keep telling me: don’t let me lose my patience fyza. don’t let me say things that you don’t want to hear. Don’t let me let out words that will just be your curse. Don’t make me. once he have said, that’s it. he will never think of any consequences and yadayadayada. And oh yea, not forgetting that you always remind me, a mother’s wish and prayers is always being blessed by god. Have you ever thought of how hurtful will my words be then? How will it sting you? you told me that i am exactly like dad. Then you should have known that my mouth too is a killer. I too like him, can either bring that person up or just completely crush their everything. oh yes, i’ve put that naturally born skilled of mine to the test. And aye, i’ve seen the impact of it.

the only thing that make me tolerate everything despite of the fact that i cannot except the reasons behind everything that you both gave me is because YOU BOTH ARE MY PARENTS. That’s the only reason my parents, you both are my parents. No matter how bad you both can be. No matter how unreasonable you both can get. No matter how much i hate you both, you are my parents. Your blood runs inside this veins of mine. No matter how fucking stupid sister can get, she is still my sister. So what if me and brother is not talking with one another(like how other siblings is supposed to be) he is still my brother. That’s who you guys are to me. you people are my family and nothing can neither replace nor changed that. despite of all your scoldings and how hurtful all your words can get. You are my parents. How can i ever raise my voice to you both? How can i ever let you know that i am so bloody ballistic at you both? How can i make you understand who i really am and my ways of thinking and all without needing to raise my voice or something. How is that so?? Gosh dear parents, don’t make things as hard as it already is. You are my parents. You guys are...

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I wanted to change the skin but i am super d duper the lazy besides i can’t find the prefer one that i want. So i just changed the picture and also the song. I know this song is old.but somehow, i just can’t stop hearing to it.(i never even get sicked of it). it’s meaing is really deep.i decided to remove my tagboard. Anything, just find me on msn or just text me (and all of the other ways that actually exist in this world).sorry peeps!

I felt rather restless since i woke up just now. I have got not a single idea why. I was waiting for his calls and message but i received nothing at all(Friday and today). I barely knew him. his ways, his thinking, his outlook of life, his wants and just when he try to get me corrupted all over again and all is really a wow thing. To those that i told them about him is giving me this blank look but to me, but for me,i like it. seriously i do. I really like it. another new character and new personality and new friend. it’s a rather good thing to me then compared to the rest of my fwens. True enough he was one of a kind but i will also not deny the fact that, deep down, he is just like all of us.

He never really need to be cracking jokes to make me laugh or smile. He is one of a kind, i know. always agreeing to what i said because of my concrete reasoning. Always asking me questions that put my intelligence on the test. And giving in to me when he is lazy to be bothered about anything. Hahas. but as i begin to know more of him, when i begin to understand him, i see something else(darn i hate myself for this so-called ABILITY of mine). I shall keep it to myself. No one ought to know about this. other than myself and i only.

Fasting had been ok i guessed. But i seriously need to come out with a diet plan specially for this fasting month. I realised that i have been eating super not healthily!! Haha!!

I was watching beyonce performing at the Armani concert/show. Her body. Nice.... curvy .... now that is what a beautiful woman must have(really, i am not kidding) to me, she have everything that a girl can ever want and dream off and it’s hard to have that kindda body like hers. Really. If u ask me, that’s the definition of gorgeous, beautiful, hot, sexy and whatever words there is available. Seriously, no kidding. Think back, if you are so darn thin like all those models that you see in the advertisement and all, it’s like not nice you see, can’t see the curves and all, all you see is a little bit of flesh here there and bones.(HAHA!) where is the WOMANLY BEAUTY??haha!! ok da enough.

ANWs, sorry for the late update though. And aye, many asked me this question, “why never put pictures in your blog?” the reason is that, i am just plain lazy and i don’t see any point to it. besides, if i were to publish everything in here, where is the fun right?? ;D come on peeps, you know how i am.. and so i’ve been told by many, i am just plain random.(i know and i am proud of it!haha!!) what’s the point of having an online journal if all you did was to tell your readers how your day have been?? That’s so boring trust me. pardon me, but don’t having an online journal is to let out your opinions and perception of things in life and sharing it? why should you care about what the world think about you when you yourself don’t care of what you think of others? Am i right? So don’t bother. bottom line, everybody have their own right and their own say right? ?

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-23T17:53:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Something caught my attention, teacher’s day is coming aye? it’s coming fast. Wow! Hahas. and i will definitely be going back to see some faces that i miss,(Especially partner dear) those stucked up people, those seniors, those juniors, those teachers and everything else. You guys will be seeing the real fyza this time. The fyza who is not gonna fake anything, bit by bit, i unleashed the true me, even by reading my blog, you will know what kindda person i am exactly and how i lead my life. Oh aye, i’ve been through some of that road before but still i don’t need to boost about it like you. i don’t need to bitch about bitches because they bitch about me. I don’t crave for attention because my appearance itself, demands for it. i don’t need you to be judging me for i am unpredictable. I don’t need to be who everybody is trying to be because is am already there. Don’t misjudge my behaviour my mission in life, my history, my way of thinking, my appreance, the words that came out from my mouth because i had many hidden sides in me until it’s hard for you to know who i exactly am. that’s why i love to say, do you really know me? do you know what is the real deal down here? (think back!)

I remember in secondary school there is just so many dramas. Drama after drama, scene after scene.( i learnt a very valuable lesson from this, deal with it for real or just toy around with it, for this is just another phase of life). i learnt not to forgive 2 people from my secondary school. 2 people. Despite of how badly i wanna forgive them and accept what they have done to me as it come, i can neva put myself through it. i can neva bring myself to forgive them. neva. Not even in the afterlife will i forgive you both. You put me life into misery, you created stories after stories until i lost my dignity. I trusted you, i put my faith in you, i took you a my fwen with an open heart despite of your flaws but is that what i get in return for my kindness towards you? i should have known that you are an animal. An animal who will neva changed its course. I will neva forgive you for that misery that you caused me for 2 years. But i thank you because you made me realise who are my true fwens and who is foe. For that, i thank you. i know i used to remind everyone around me that even god forgive his people for their sins, who are we compare to him to not forgive others who have sinned to us? i believe that forgiveness should come from the heart and not the mouth. What’s the point of saying, i forgive you when your heart says otherwise? I see no point and true,i did tried to soften my heart for you both, but it neva did happened.

It’s funny really i know who are a good fwen and who are not but i still mingle around with those who are not(well, with no sense of belonging that is).HAHA!! somehow, they intrigues me. human behaviour intrigues me. hahas! oh well, afterall, fyza is sucha complicated human being.(HEY! Who doesn’t right??)

But one think that really got me laughing my arse out(and ballistic at the same time) is that, THEY HATED ME BECAUSE I AM ANTI SOCIAL???!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE THINKING???!!!! Geez man. And aye, i know about it la ok. whatever you guys said behind my back, i know it la ok. and the ridiculous thing is that, they are so HILARIOUS! HAH! Where did you guys get your facts from huh? geez man, all the reasons that you guys come up with is so CHILDISH!!! They are so fucking unreasonable (According to my fwens who i told them about my secondary school mates)HAHAHAHAHA-ING MAN!!!!! Do you guys know that i have always been cracking jokes with me peeps about this?? do you guys know that you guys have been a laughing matta to those who i told them this?? well to kill your curiosity i’ll let you in a bit of how it goes and believe me i still remember it vividly (Ahem ahem,test voice):

ME: ekh do you guys know that in my secondary school days, some of my fwens hated me?
THEM: well, face the fact fyza, there will always be some people around us who will hate us. and yea, we know that you have many haters.
ME: don’t you guys atleast wanna know why??
THEM: because you have stuck up face??
ME: ok that one, is so out of the topic, if people hate me for that i know why, but hey, there is nothing i could do about it can i? Come on, wanna know or not.
THEM: say it out.
ME: they hate me because i am ANTI SOCIAL!!!!!!!!!!
(i swear i still remember iman choked on his cigarette and boi spill out his drink while the rest is laughing like there is a laughing gas being release somewhere,silently)
THEM: serious??(they are still laughing)
ME: what do you think??
And the rest is to be kept confidential...

I know la that for a fact, i chooses the fwens that i wanna be close with and hang out la. but seriously, is that known as anti social?? ARE YOU GUYS OK?? do you need me to have English lessons with you people?? I know la that i spent most of my time with Hannah or when she is not there, i will always either mind my own biz, talking with the some of the Chinese people or just stick around with you guys but i remain silent. I know la. but if it is just for that fact, it is so bloody unreasonable. What do you guys even know about me? the thing that i different about me is that i will choose the fwens that i wanna hang out with and close with because having too many fwens can be sucha complicated thing(to me atleast) . OH WELL, bottom line is that, people hated me for reasons that is just so minor and btw mates, THAT IS SO A CHILDS play which i find it amusing and interesting at the same time. When will you peeps grow up mentally as in MATURED??!!(LOL-NESS) common la, i’v eherad of all the reasons of why you guys hated me or dislike me or what so ever. (SERIOUSLY, CAN YOU GUYS CAME OUT WITH SUCHA BETTER REASON STILL??) and the funny thing is that one of you acted like you are so matured and a sucha perfectionist whereas on the other hand, you are nothing. HAHA!! See?? Hate me for all you want, i can’t be bothered. Hating people and talking shit behind people’s back is not my thing. I still prefer that someone to be talking shit about me infront of me so we both can learn from one another rather than what some of you people are doing(and it’s a much more appropriate and sensible and MATURE way of dealing with it). shit talking behind the person’s back and giving this person THE LOOK that you dislike them(without letting them know why face to face) is seriously a child’s play. But, this is some of humans nature...

Well lets just see what has that day have install for me and the rest of us.genuinely saying, it intrigues me...

;)

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-22T21:28:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Sorry for the late update peeps. Exam huh!! DA PUASE LA!!!! Then after that raye!!! This year got new addition la!!! me poly mates...weeee..sukenye fyza, seriously, i love them all...POWER GEDEBAK!!!!(ok exaggerating, i know)

Wellwellwell, last week weekend was sucha chaos, went jamming with me usual suspects. Hahahs. It was chaos!!really!!! it was super hilarious. Everybody made fun of almost everyone. Then we headed down to marina to bowl but than, there was many people. So changed plan and pooled instead.seriously la, i need tons and tons of practice(as usual, i was never good at either of them.) i was more of the party type, dancing, photography and stuff like that other than bowling and pool. But it was awesome still. There is just too many jokes and all that happened. had tons of good times and had sucha good laugh with them all.(darn,we have become so close over time). And pictures will be uploaded soon at facebook.

Was awaken by his message at 4 plus. Awwww.... he is sucha sweetheart. Really, he is. I miss him so much. So, met him around 5 plus the next day(Sunday) and the details are just for us to know.had such wonderful time with him. cab home, he paid again(i really feel bad about it). the taxi driver was a blast. He kept chatting with me about BRG and all. what the future holds and tips and his views and yadayadayada. I really mean it from the bottom of my heart, that taxi driver was superb. Thanks to him, i begin to understand somethings. He really have my respect. From farrer park all the way back to cck during the wee hours. Trust me, that chat was a lengthy one.anw, thanx unlce!(;D) and i miss you my dearest one. hey i know things are hard for you, but you will manage it through ok?

It’s a wonder really that you never knew that some how, you are also the one that is causing me trouble my dear fwen. Have you forgotten my dear fwen that i am such an observer? Nah ah. Don’t forget that. we might have been busy with our lives but do note that i am not some blinded fool. Even without keeping in touch with you i know what’s up with you. like i said before, even if you did succeed my dear fwen, it will never be 100% because girl, in order to reach that stage in life, sacrifices ought to be made and one of those is, you can neva be attached if you are trying to get to get to that particular stage and trust me, you need a lot of self confidence to be in that stage and not forget, the right attitude, sumhow u need to just be born with this criteria and undergo the process of unleashing it(mcm paham aje aku). Girl, i witness your changes and i know u will be worst then me. u are easily influenced. When was the last time did we actually chatted properly before? Don’t search for me when you have troubles because girl, i’m beginning to let go of everything and i am sicked of everything already. I am so sick of this bullshits of life. suck it up. Because i am beginning to not know who the hell are you. there is not a need for your attitudes with me because trust me, your attitude are nothing compared to mine. The only thing that is stopping me from letting go and shooting all this facts at your face is because, we have known each other for sometime and i hate to hurt you, because you can never handle the painfulness of my words. Dear fwen, right now, i do have this hatred towards you. i swear i have it. what’s the point if you know it? what difference will it make?

Oh, to whoever this may concern, please, i don’t need you to know what’s going on in my life and i don’t need that look of hatred in your eyes for you don’t know the real deal down here. You get your shits from one of the god of all gods of liar and trust me, you will never know fact from this motherfucker. Please, fuck off and mind your biz. You interfere in my problem, so what if you’re havoc? So what if you’re loud? So what if you when to school wearing thick eyeliner? Let me tell you something you daughter of a fuck up whore, cool people don’t need to even try because they are born with it. in my eye, you and all of your fwens are nothing but wannabes. You get that smelly pussy of yours into my darn problem assuming you know all the facts(how can you even know if it is true when you heard it from the god of liar himself??) if he really was correct and i was the one at fault, then i would have paid the price. But why is it that it is him who is paying the price? Why not me? thinked again shitheadS(yes you and your fwenS) if you really are a good friend who is trying to help, you won’t be taking sides and get that smelly pussy of yours into your fwen problem because you neva know who is telling the correct story and besides how long have you guys known each other? a true AND MATURE fwen will help by giving advise and trying to understand the problem, not by getting involve and by saying bad things about the other party even though how bad that other party is in real fact, you are neva in the position to be taking sides and to talk shit about it. instead, try to think, why and what could have cause the person to act that way and what can you do to make things betta and not worst it. your loudness, your havoc-ness is nothing to me. because my dear one, you might be all that, bottomline, you are never one of that(same goes to the rest of us including you and me). trust me, i know. because, we are all mere humans and perfection is never in our blood. See that’s why i am neva afraid of what you think of me. that’s why i said, all this is just a drama that i love to be part off. it intrigues the hell out of me. that’s all. so please, tell your fwens, i don’t need those looks from them because you and me know it that i was not the wrong one.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-13T19:56:00.000-07:00

SALAM

This is dedicated to W14Gs,

I remember stepping into the class feeling kindda funny and scared at the same time. The very first day of our poly life begins. we had programming that Monday. Me and karine, we had not much to care about because we have known each other since secondary school, so atleast we both know, we had each other if anything happened. then slowly, as the module changes by days, as the weeks goes by, we all had a chance to work with one another in groups of 5. We strengthen all our friendship by teasing one another, going smoking together, making fun of one another in every darn way, swearing at one another, fucking everyone(inside language), pawn-ing classes that we had no interest in, by the laughs that comes minutes by minutes and yadayadayada. There were tons of them, tons of happy memory. Our class is made up of many characters and attitudes that have made us so special. Non of us(NON!), is faking anything or is trying to hard in everything, we were all being ourselves and just by being us, we have created chaos after chaos, funs after funs. Unlike other class, our class is way different, everyone of us were so tight with one another. EVEN TIGHTER THAN A VIRGIN’S PUSSY!! Regardless of our race and age, we were darn tight! no other class in the future can replace us!! the way we fucking fuck one another, no one can ever replace us.

FUCK,yes that’s the trademark of our class! we don’t need to be anything else other than ourselves,we don’t need anyone’s attention other than ourselves. We don’t need to be anyone, we don’t need to be a wanna be, because we are all a player! We don’t need posers or happening ,hip,noisy,fashionistaz(you got what i mean don’t you) to be a part of us because we are all a player. A player knows our own game well enough. We don’t need to abid to the rules that were being set upon us for we are the rules!!. Only players will be trying hard to look like a normal kid. Because deep down we know who we really are and there is not a need to be showing off everything. W14GS, the class which is made up of players and fuckers and smoker and clubbers and drinkers non can ever replace this class. NON. FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND! I’M GOING TO FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND!! The sentences that is part of our everyday language. We were just so bloody awesome, some people would die trying hard to fit in with us or some, would be praying hard to get out of this class. see??

Can your class levelled up to mine?? Nah’ah . i doubt so! Infact. I FUCKING don’t think so!!!! Your class might made up of many posers, wannabes,loud,hip,fashionistaz,losers,nerds and yadayadayada. But not W14Gs! We make rp not rp make us! we know that we are in school, we know that the main reason we come to school is to studies,there is not a need for us to be making a fashion statement, there is no need to impress anyone, there is not a need to be trying to hard because after all, it’s just school. Whats the big fuck? Unless! It’s at a pub,bar or somewhere else then we will make sure that the world know who we are! This is a player! This is how a player acts! We don’t need to be having that string tight down at the ankle of our legs, we don’t need to be showing off. we are who we are! W14Gs!! We bloody kick arse!! Thinked can your class beat us! don’t worry, because we have been told by our faci’s that our class is super awesome and clever! Don’t you worry about that part though!! I’m so gonna be missing you guys!! I love you people! I’M SO GONNA FUCK YOU UNDERSTAND!!! Lol! ;D

ps:pichas were taken during enterprise formal clothes lesson.more at facebook.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-10T21:17:00.000-07:00

SALAM

i was watching the making of kambaqt ishq at youtube and some of the song videos. Have not watch the movie though. I’ll wait for it to come out on dvd. I just realised one thing which i’ve been trying to ignore since few months back. correct me if i’m wrong, but kareena is getting hotter and hotter as the months when by(minus her new skinny image) i still prefer her last time(her body i mean). anw, i mean aye, she’s getting hotter and hotter. Even without thick make up, she was already ok looking. I mean seriously, she is getting hotter and hotter.(realize i never used the word gorgeous or elegant to describe her). I mean like wow!. Haha. Die ade pakai susuk tak?(haha,ok, that was just for laughing sake) i saw her hair in billu barber, the one she curl it, it was awesome la. i mean the curl and everything. the curls was nice and i am tempted to curl my hair back again.but hold on your horses, i was viewing friend profile when i realised that her hair too was gorgeous and to achieve that is to let my hair straight again. (pffft,sometimes, it’s just so hard to be a girl)haiyayayaik! How huh?? both are nice.really they are. Fyza way of nice.(classy!).=(, this sucks, big time! Btw, kareena is hot!

I was thinking about this year raya. Haha! I mean, who doesn’t right? Especially when fasting month is nearing.hmm. i already know what kindda baju raya to get for this year, i have 3 in mind(plus the one mummy was saying). I thinked i’ll buy all three. Haha. Sister pay one,mummy the other one and brother the one! Haha!(rightrightright????)i already wat shoes to get. I don’t know what kindda bag shud i be getting for myself. Lastly, how the hell am i supposed to do my hair???!!!(this is what happened when there is many style/things that matched you!pffft! seriously! Some help?) i was videowhoring with haris. Know him quite sometimes now, he asked me, when can i see you in make up?? I mean in person. I answer this, when there is a special event going on, when i am in the mood to make a statement, when i just want to wow-ed you, during raya(with family usually). This is the usual time you will see me with make up and really take care of my appearances, other than that, i won’t put it on and i will slack around.=). Ok you shall not know the rest of the convo.

You want to know what has got into me? i’m bloody missing sharif! Serious shit. no kidding! Not those kindda miss like how i used to miss my guy friends la ok. the other kind of miss you know.(;D) he is forever tired, darn i hate him in NS! He forgets the world including me!!!! ishk! Miss his voice, really(heeee). Sad is it not??=( what to do.... i hate the fact that i am so bloody understanding.how i wish i am born self fish and self centered!HAHA!!

I realised something else today too, i was viewing another friend’s profile pictures and realized, what a shit she is changing to be.HAHA! serious shit! well, i’ll just watched from afar(though we are near) but aye, i can’t be bothered la about her. She is trying, can see that, well she is in the process of it la. but i am sure she will succeed(MAYBE 90%?) she can never make it to how she wants it to be though. Really, i am not kidding!!!(fyza is turning to be sucha freaking bitch!!! ;D)

Remember, this is MY blog i just don’t give a single F darn of what you think of me.because,

THINK AGAIN, DO YOU REALLY KNOW ME?? ;)

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-08T23:41:00.000-07:00

SALAM

WARNING: this post is seriously over rated for someone who cannot handle my fucking language and my sucked up behaviour. Please don’t read it if you thinked you cannot handle it. SCRAM OFF!!

Ekh seriously, i can tolerate no more ok. of you i mean. So long as i know i’ve always had a very high level of tolerance for my fwens. But girl, you are making me realize it now that i am don’t have it at all. just what the fucked is wrong with you? why don’t you have any identity of your own? why must you be following almost everything that i did or even say? Well i am not acting like one big fucked up mother head here huh, but seriously?!!. Are you insane?? I built up my identity slowly and everything like that making sure that no one will actually achieve what i have established for myself and so that no one will come near to what i have been doing. And what makes you think in the bloody world that you are somewhere near me?? who the fucked are to me?? i’ve never regard you as my close fwen i regard you only as fwens. Neither more nor less. you are suddenly saying the words that i am saying. You are suddenly trying to changed that spelling of your ______ in to mine? Like what the fuck? If you are trying to change those minor things is ok you know. i won’t make sucha freaking big deal about it, but now, all those things that you are saying, they are my darn trademark you fool! What the fuck was that all about? I am getting sick and tired of you ok. FYI, my tolerance level is lower-ing ok.

Come on la. grow up la ekh. we girls, we ought to know our limits when we are mixing around with guys. Grow up la GROW UP!! This is the thing that will put us above the rest and the many kindda girls. Though we are living in a modern era, there is still something from the past that we need to still bear in our mind. All this things is the things that will set us apart from those many sorta girls you fool. Don’t think that you are touching other guys freely, hugging someone elses boyfriend/girlfriend and yadayadayada means that you are socializing? Just how much of a fool can you be huh?? even socializing have it’s limits. Unless you both are a very tight with one another, then that might be off a different situation. Hey guys, please la ekh, don’t go around wanting this kindda girls. This just show how desperate you are. Most of my friends, they are guys(i’m well known for the fact that i hate having many malay gisl friends)we will always shit talked about everything that comes our way, either msn-ing late at night, conferencing or whatever shit there is. Whenever we were having our meet up session, either it’s just to kill time or drinking sessions or even smoking sessions, we will always had our random talks. And i do asked them about all this shit and everything like that, all they said is this, only a real guy who is darn bloody serious of wanting a girl to be his, they won’t go and find those kindda girls who hugs and kissed their fwens or who have got no limit in their socializing because guys, we are very egoistic. Unless we want the gerl for other reasons other than the fact that we are really sincere about everything, then those kindda girl will fall in the list. If being friends with this kindda people than it’s ok, but if more. No way! Ekh girl, please la ekh, please put a limit to everything that you did, because i as a girl, is ashamed of it all. because girl, your parents had so many things set upon you and the way i see it, there is no point for them to do that, i’ll be just a waste of time and their effort for you are just.. oh well.. fuck it ok. fuck it. fuck you, fuck the fact that i know you, just go and fuck yourself until you have climax 7 times and then you can come telling me shits. please to be reminded, don't try to do anything about it, because it will never change my views upon you. because you acted like you know many things in life and you understand it all, but as a matter of fact, you are just plain immature.

Ekh please ekh. don’t botha trying to find fault with me ekh. for i did not mentioned any names. For all you know, i might be talking about somebody else in my circle of fwens. Bear in mind, you are not the only friend that i have. Remember that.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-06T21:12:00.000-07:00

See that guy up there? Well if you are not aware, he is AKSHAY KUMAR!!. The akshay kumar which i have been having desires upon. Isn’t he sexy? Ok no. HOT! Aye that’s the word that will describe my kindda guy. Look at him. full of charisma. His aura just shines through him la. i love the way he smile in here. Very HOT! Grrrr! I want my future husband to be EXACTLY like him!(totally!!!) i love everything about him. his charms is just so bloody overwhelming. Why do you wanna find a guy who is handsome handsome or cute? So not my type. My kindda of handsome is charms. This is the one that will last for eternity, even when the person is older, you can still see his charm-ness shines through him. all this handsome is the handsome and cute is handsome, it won’t last. It will die with time. I don’t like it. i want something that is everlasting. Btw, charming guys are way hotter than handsome guys!( and i am so proud to be making this statement!!!,hahas) i miss him la. it’s been so long since i catched a bollywood movie with him in it. i love watching him. my eyes will just be glued to him. i always prefer him with kareena or priyanka. I prefer him acting with this both. They just compliments each other. he will compliment on their beauty and vice versa. Well his wifey is not that bad either. She too compliments him. she was a hot stuff in her own league. Her beauty was classic.(to me). it’s hard to find any woman with her beauty(other than sushmita sen). Back to him. i always melt whenever i saw him in shades,FUHLERMAK! I reckoned even the thermometer will burst la if it was tested on him(Exaggerating, i know! and i won’t stop) so bloody hot la! cannot tahan! I want him. he is so bloody flawless.his shape, his face, his body, his personality, his laugh, his smile, his actions, his arrogances, his eyes, his coolness, his laidback-ness, his voice, his nose!!(i don’t know why, i prefer guys with high nose, i love it) and yadayadayada(there is just too many la, u know it la when u see him). i really love him. and seriously la! mummy! I want him to be my husband! I dun care how old he is! I just want him to be mine! I dun care!!!! Iwanthimiwanthimiwanthim!!!!!!!!! Haha! I will be asking mummy for money to buy myself hindi dvds. I want to buy those with him inside and Mustafa here i come!!!! Weeeeeeeee......

and i still believe that people who does not watch bollywood movies is mising out big time. because there is just somethings that is in bollywood movies that the hollywood movies is different, it is on how they explore human's every behaviour and emotions. and also you guys are seriously missing out on the hot actors and actresses. in short you guys are missing out big time!!

Anw, fasting is nearing and so does raye, i carn wait. I am still pondering on what kindda clothes should i get, what kindda shoes(wait, i thinked i know which one i want), what hairstyle(should i should i not perm it again? if i did, how should i perm it? what colour should i dye my hair, since now i had this nice colour on me, but i think i will be changing it, i thinked la) what kindda bag will i wanna bring? And yadayadayada..haiya...so many things to decide, so many money needed, so little time.

Hey guys, any suggestion? I cant think of any la. a lil helpy my dear ones???

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-05T09:54:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Sometimes i just wish that i could erase you off my everything so that i could move on and forget the fact that you were once in my life.
Sometimes, my mind bring me back again to our memories, reminiscing them all again. i felt this feeling of satisfaction that grows inside off me but then as i go in the depth of our memories, i began to feel the hurt and all the torments that i’ve been made to go through.
I find comfort in our memories i was just contented with what we have.
Despite of what others said about you, i managed to prove them wrong, but then when i am just about to succeed, you pull me down again.
I’ve been told, that people of your zodiac is so full of mysteries and that it takes a lot out of your lover to manage it all.
I can never disagree to it for you almost drive me to the edge of insanity.
But despite of it all, i managed to still find love within you.
Despite of your words, your lies i managed to see beyond them all.
Aye, you were so good at hiding everything about the real you with others, but when you’re with me, it’s just so easy to just be you.(though there are times that you are not)
Same goes to me, i never find it hard to be playing another role when i’m with you, the assurance that you gave me through your actions, i know i belong.
It’s always a wonder that despite of everything, we are still somehow in contact with one another.
It’s like somehow, this particular part of ourself just never want to get rid of us (am i right to say that?)
I get to know many guys, but non, just non were like you. the way you shattered me then glued me back again. the way you understand me non can ever leave up to it.
And same goes to you, i will be the one to shattered you, tearing every inches of your flesh just to reveal all the bones and everything beneath it, but in the end, it will be me again, who is able to put it all back together.
The way when we touched each other, the sensations that we both get and all, it’s just so strong and just so strong. I can never understand what is this feeling that will always evoke me.
Why is it that without each other, we feel like there is something missing within us. like something have been taken away from us? i don’t get it.
I don’t understand a thing at all. i swear i don’t.
I wanna let everything out to someone, someone who understands and everything else, but there is just no one.
Why is it that all this people fail to see you by the way i see you?
Why can’t they just stopped with all those words?
Why they can’t see this world just like the way i see it.
I have so much hatred in me for you.
But i don’t understand why is it that i can never really hate you.
I hate it if i were to saw you coincidentally anywhere for when our eyes locked with one another, there is so many things that when pass it just so many.
And i hate the fact that i have this stupid thing about me, even without watching you, even without seeing you, hearing your voice or what so ever, i know what’s hidden beneath you.
Despite of all the arts of dramas and lies that you put up for the world, you can never fool me.
I hate it. i hate it that i know. i swear i hate it.
All this things is tormenting me in a way or another. To know for a fact that we are just so effing closed but yet so far a part. DARN IT!!
Right now, missing you will be a part of my life routine. And i must admit when it came, it really gives a blow. It is so unkind to me. and sometimes i find it hard to get hold of everything else around me.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-08-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Well there is nothing interesting to be blog about but i thinked i will just waste my time around.

Last weekend was HECTIC! Met up with my peepsies on Friday at 8 30pm. Everybody was there(i’m touched,really).We leave our bfs and gfs behind just to meet up again. awww. Aren’t we the sweetest thing in this planet?(-_-) we all had tons of fun without needing to drink(it’s our little secret). Smoke our hearts out. Had sucha lengthy chat with everyone. The stories just goes on and on the hold night long. That night was a blast.it was superb. All the laughs just keep coming our way. We parted around 3 plus(lucky mummy was in a good mood). Ramzi offered to sent me home. Since he will be driving pass my place. thank you guys!

Had to wake up at 12 the very next day. cuzzy’s wedding’s too be attended. She was gorgeous. Simply stunning. Since it was solemnization ceremony, there ain’t many people. But it was ok afterall. Reached home nearing 1am and believe me i was darn sleepy.

Sunday, the real thing starts. Mi whole family went at 9 plus in the morning and i went at 1 plus.(i slept the rest of the time and run the chores). There was many people. Was mood out due to my flu and my stomach cramps. I was supposed to be snapping pictures but instead i just sat at one corner and stared at people who is staring me(the face is seriously shitty.) well reached home around 7 plus and that is the end for that day.

Monday,i didn’t went to school. I just wanna stay home and relax. even that is what mummy suggested.

on the other hand,

I MISS ONLY THIS TWO THINGS RIGHT NOW AND THOSE PAST MOMENS OF MY LIFE:

1- MY DEAREST SOMEONE(he buzy with his NS, me with school)
2-SPIKY!!!(ok, this is supposed to be my secret!)tralalalalala.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-07-29T22:07:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Again too many thoughts to be noted down but due to limitations, i had to give in.

Lately i’ve had so many free time. And seriously, that sucks.(BIG TIME). Whenever i had free time, my mind will wonder around from the past to now to the future and yadayadayada.(which i hate it). pffft. I thinked i’ll rather do this the way that i always like it. here we go.

1. LAST week was a blast. It was awesome(at school). Everyone never fail to make my day. Had a vulgar-ing fight with Adrian and yuhan almost everyday. Then CABOT sci lesson halfway with yuhan and ws. We catch harry potter and the half blood prince exactly on the first release date!!.(so don’t brag about it with me doofus!) show ended and we made our way back to school for UT and faced the same faci. DO YOU HAVE THE BALLS to do like what we did??(proved it to me, then you can come and shit talk with me,slut). Lepak after lessons with the usual suspects and bitch and gossips and talking shits about people and us.(it’s afterall, a human nature). What i fancy about us, is that we don’t need to mix around with cool people and mats and minahs and loud people in order to make an impression to the rest of the world of our great influence and how cool we really are, because we know we are all that and we are a palyer.(unlike some people).

Enterprise was just BLOODILY- FUCKING- SINFULLY- UNTTERLY estatic!!!! It was the best among the best lessons that we’ve had so far.(besides the pizzahut treat by faci where me and feeqa ate half of that large pizza.HEEE.) it’s the sucha sweetly-beautiful sin. Pichas uploaded at facebook. Peeps, if you guys think that your class is the best, thinked again, my class is happening than yours! Best is nothing compared to happening.

2. i feel his changes and i don’t know what’s the cause of it. i wanna asked but at the same time i don’t want to. But this feeling really sucks. What’s happening ekh?? Even i myself am confused. God, can i please have one of your guardian angel send down just for me from heaven?pfffft.

3. almost every guy that i just got to know kept asking me the same question again and again and again. which i am getting sicked of it.

4. had AN AMAZING lecture from aunt and him. both of the same thing. And it was a wake up thingy for me. it got my mind to thinked off many things that made me disappointed with myself.

5. Daniel new girlfriend is finding trouble with me. i so feely like brutally pull every strain of her hair and make her having a new GI hairstyle.

6. i saw and i feel her changes. They are crawling up underneath my very skin. I am losing my sanity over this one. I saw her every darn day. I chatted with her and everything like that. i feel it all. i just feel like giving her a smack on her face and made her realise but i really cannot be bothered knowing the fact of what sort of person she is. I’ll just let her be. She should be wise enough off her own actions. Its true. This is unlike me to walk away, but i am so tired of everything. i will walk off if i’m left with no options. I will not try to search for it. i will not crack my head to create another option. i will not try. I will just walk off. because girl, i am getting tired of everything in my life, including us. i will walk away just like how i walk away from everything else.

7. is this detailed enuff? Because i feel like it’s not. nemind. I’ll continue next time.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-07-18T22:16:00.000-07:00

SALAM

pardon milast post.

Met someone for the first time after so long last Wednesday. Was not ready for it. and it was like a last minute thingy and i was worried about everything. haha! Still manage to keep my cools down and play my game real well.haha!WTH was that supposed to mean??haha!!!

He turned to be great.(minus the skin colour that is).his house is like on the other side of the world(exaggerating). Well it is nicely situated.there is this big-under-construction-shopping mall. It’s a condo and it’s sickeningly small.(i hate it). and i hate the view. Really.i hate it. not something that i would recommend for myself.so midarling if we get married, we are so moving out of the house and leave at my house or get our own house!hahas.

He is a loving guy. Wonderful infact. Love his small cute night light(red lagi the light!) hate his room but love the stereo set. His uncle was at home .so does his little sister. And not forgetting the maid. We watched mj performance and yick yack king all the way. His eyes was intense yet there is comfort in them. his hands is smooth for a guy and it was tender. He was tall( a normal guy height)
But here is the catch, his body is OK aje!pfft! he had this accent that shows that he is just not some of the other guy.

His actions and the way he reacted to something’s intrigues me. the way he presents himself is nothing compared to most guys. He is in his class of his own. (besides Daniel). His style and his ways, is indeed in his class of his own. he don’t need to be trying so hard like some of you. yes i think i have meet my match. He certainly knows how to play his own game well enough.Haha. he isn’t that handsome, but he isn’t that bad either. He have his charms (in a complicated way, i assure you). He knows his games well enough. And oh yes, his smell is so nice.wth?! but yea. His smell was the first that caught me.haha! the perfume! FUHLERMAK! Ok enough.

He is just not like any other guy. He is something interesting. His every reaction intrigues me. but trust me when i say this, he is in the class of his own in everything that he does. His very appearance demands attention . and maybe when it comes down to this, you are no where near his league. Because you are nothing when compared to him. nothing. And btw, i miss him la dey. Heis buzy with his things and me, i am buzy with mine and we hardly talk our hearts out when we are both tired. Guys and –drop-the-bomb-and-i-still-will-not wake-up sleep. Girls with their every other stuff.pffft.imy... ANDANDAND!!o-o-o-o-before i forgot. He have dimples!!!!hahaha!!he have dimples tau! He is so sweet when he smiled. Any guy with dimples is always sucha sweet thing when they smile or laugh!!!weeeeeeeee....girls you know what i meant, guys, don’t even try to understand..

But this does not mean...pffft!
Imy....

KHUDAFIZ

2009-07-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Why are you making things so hard between us? why ? can u please just not bring up that topic again and again and again?! i am running out of words. I’ve been trying to find suitable words, to make it sounds nice to you but you always mistaken it. why?

Stop telling me to look into my heart and see what i want and what i will be missing out on. i know what i want ok. I effing know it. darn. Why can’t we be like how we are now and always? Why are you forcing me to have those feelins for you? sayang and love has a really find difference between them. And you out of many people should know that by now.Matters of the heart is not to be messed around with. Darn!

When i said that we both are like heaven and earth. I fucking mean that! the way we both thinked and the way we both react and all is different. Don’t you realise it? ok yes i admit. I am bloody stupid when it comes to all this and i am a typical malay. I admit la ok! I swear i admit it. what more do you want? Why not you just hate me and go find other gerls who will want you as much as you want them? just hate me?!! isn’t that simple? Why try to get yourself hurt by me? i’ve hurt enough people in my life so far and you’re the last one that i wanna hurt. i know you are hurt. don’t you need to remind me of it ok. I effing know it and to hear it from you just kills me. you tell me that you felt the chemistry between us, but have you ever asked me? my answer is no. I don’t feel it.

Your words just now hurts me. you want me to understand you but why don’t you try to understand me? i am so bloody tired of trying to understand everybody. I am tired of trying to understand this world. i am too tired for everything else already. I really am. i know what you want and all from me. i know. but why don’t you respect my feelings? I respect you and your feelings though i am having a hard time trying to accept it,why don’t you try to respect mine too? for once, try to stop thinking about how you view life. instead try to be in my shoe and try to see it from my point of view.

Stop trying to make me understand what you want from me and what you feel because i know it!!!!! i am acting ignorance about it all because that’s the only way i can make you realise. I deserve that scolding form you la ok. I admit ok, i am a typical malay gerl. i am stupid. I agree to everything that you said. I know it’s all my fault. I know and take full responsibility of it all.

Try for once telling yourself that not everyone have or will have your way of thinking. Not me especially. Due to the mistakes that i did in the past make me who i am today. i am not caught up in my past. I am just playing things safe. Falling in love is the last agenda in my list. I am not looking for love. i am not looking for relationships. I am not looking for a relationship that have got love involve in it. i am keeping love away from me because i don’t want it. i hate that feeling. I can give you anything except that. i don’t want to let love pass by me. i really don’t want. I am just happy with the way i am now. Please, don’t force me. i beg you. stop bringing up this issue again. leave me and hate me, it’s your decision. but please don’t asked me to have all those feelins. By bringing up this topic and getting worked up and everything like that, you are forcing me. because i know, i am going to end up alone. This is my problem. How i wish, how i wish you can exchange places with me and see how i view this life.i beg of you, please, don’t make me.

I am a true faker and a poser. I showed the world how strong and invincible i am, but my inside had turned into ashes. I am a poser and a faker. I know. and i am sorry for hurting you and making you fall for me. i am too be blame not you. please, walk away from me. let me be like this. just, let me be....

KHUDAFIZ

2009-07-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

SALAM.

Finally, find the time to change blogskin! Hahas. i love this one la! search like crazy finally this one catches my eye.hehe. the combination of colours here is nice. Wait, it’s meant to be awesome!And the story behind all this design of background really match with me. it's a work of fantastic art.(go and figure it all out yourself la!) Haha. I’m super d duper d happy. Edited this skin like one pathetic moron who have got no life. my eye hurt now but it’s worth.

Ok done.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-07-09T23:08:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Well yesterday or i rather said tuesday(singapore),monday(london), was the burial of our King of pop, Michael Jackson. It’s really sad la. i mean i really idolized him. i find his dance moves and songs really amazing. Never really told anyone that i admire him. only the family and Daniel knows about it. hahs.

i remember growing up with his songs and trying to do the moonwalk(which i swear i cannot) with brother. Hahas. it was hilarious la. i was just what 5?6? hahas. brother got me hooked up to his songs as he is a fan of MJ. Brother always got me hooked up to the songs that he is listening too. i love iron maiden and metallica because of him and yea deep purple too! i like them all because of brother. His class of music is so classy compared to those guys and posers out there. Aye, classy. He had sucha taste for musics.

Hmm, back to MJ. I remember watching his performance live when i was younger. The first thing that crossed my mind, he is a very gifted person and he have so many fans. HE IS JUST MAGICAL. He is born to entertain and unite the world. I watched in splendid amazement. His every moves and his every smile, his eyes and everything else. he managed to unite the world with his music and his dance moves. Then i told myself this, he is so downright lucky and he must be rich. I would give anything to have his kind of life. that’s what i thought until today. but i never view him as a legend.

When i heard the news of his death, it was heart breaking. It really was. I mean he is never gonna come back ever again. Not even miracle can do it’s wonders when it comes down to this sorta thing. He is gone and he is never gonna come back ever again. Never. What a lost it is to this world. then i catch the news and all the following updates about his death. I begin to realise that he is a legend. He is well known almost everywhere even in CHINA! Even the hot and beautifully charming Angelina Jolie or even Tom cruise is not that bloody well known. Not even Princess Diana and maybe just maybe not even Celine Dion or even George W.B!!!. I don’t think that the world will mourn over their death like his. Seeing all the footage shown over internet and the media. Seeing his fans crying and everything like that. gosh. his fame has got no limits. He is well known in the world. Who never know Michael Jackson, the king of pop. THE LEGEND. His moonwalk, his side kick and the other one(which i cannot recall)is well known today and the name that people will remember when they heard of this dance steps will be MICHAEL JACKSON. Trust me. i can’t believe that he is dead. Nope, i can’t. I feel like it was just, just now that i watched him performing the song you’re not alone and billie jean. stop thinking of his flaws and all, instead think of him just like any other human being who have touched our lives, for once humans, stop judging a person from all the stories that might never be a fact. instead look at what have the person did to make a change in the world with his gifts.....

Sadly, when i was watching this videos in youtube which is his interview sessions with many reporters and also celebrity i realised, his life so full of sad stories. In short, he have never felt internally at ease with his life and everything that he have in his life and all that he have achieved. all those happiness that he get, was just temporary. It is sad. Admist all the fame,triumph,money, he have never really feel what it means by happiness. All the happy times that he did get was momentarily. He never really did. He said “i can be considered as one of the lonely person in the world” one thing that i know for sure, he had paid sucha great price for all his fame and glory. He sure did. It’s just a sad sad sad situation.

I was listening through his songs, i search for them. i was listening to this song and the words in it is just so ironic? Cliche? I don’t know what’s the word to even describe it. i’ll put it as my blog song( when i am free that is) and i wil talk about the irony of it.

As a fellow muslim, i’ll pray for him. May his soul be in peace and may god forgive him of all his sins and accept what he have brought along with him to accompany him for eternity and all through his death. May god blessed his soul. Amin.

“I STILL AM IN LOVE WITH HIM
AND I STILL FIND HIM MAGICAL.
LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
AND I AM STILL AMAZED BY HIS FAME.
LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
AND I ALWAYS AND STILL FIND HIS SMILE THE SWEETEST COMPARED TO SUGAR AND ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
AND I STILL FIND HIM REALLY TENDER(LEMBUT) IN EVERYTHING THAT HE DID.
FROM THE WAY HE TALKED TO HIS VOICE AND TO HIE EYES.
EVERYHTING IS JUST SO TENDER.
LIKE I ALWAYS DO.
I REALLY AM IN LOVE WITH HIM.

MAY THE WORLD LEAVE YOU IN PEACE NOW MJ......”

KHUDAFIZ

2009-07-04T19:34:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I recall my few conversations with mummy the other time. When i was in confusion (i thinkED). I asked her a very challenging question. WHAT IS SAYANG? And WHAT IS LOVE? sucha simple words that made our mind race when put t together as a questions, that i asked her that day. And she was having a hard time trying to explain it to me just to make me understand.
Thus, before i continue, make a mental note you readers that this is just a p-o-v. No correct or wrong answer. And so she answered my question.

Sayang is like you would do anything for the person. We take the very simplest example of sayang, a mother’s sayang towards her children. She would do anything for the children if it promise happy ending for them. she will take care of her children. She will be the one that will stood by the side of her child when the world hated him/her. Because she sayang, she wil do anything to ensure the happiness of her children. Or another example, you have many guy friends or even girl friends, but not all you sayang right? Not all you like give a darn about what they are doing, have they eaten, how are they, are they ok and yadayadayada. Not all you will like get concern of their well being.RIGHT? (and believe it or not, i actually said,yea ) so that means you sayang the person right?(and i heard myself saying yes again) though not much but you do sayang the person. Suddenly, the person’s happiness suddenly become such a major part of your life. you will always ensure that the person is ok. The person is happy. The person is blessed and everything else. That’s when you sayang a person. You care about the person, your friend, your family members, animals even. That means you sayang the person or it.

Whereas Love, it’s a feeling. A feeling that cannot be describe. You will know when it comes your way but then many people always take love for granted or they are dump enough not to notice it. Love is a gift you know. A gift from god( that’s what mummy said). You will know when it comes your way, love is the feeling that keep marriages alive and strong. But surely enough it is not sayang. It’s different. A genuine feeling of love comes sincerely from the heart its just there you know. Love does not need development or whatever crap. It’s just there in your heart, it can neither fade away bit by bit nor just totally gone. The sweetness and the beautifulness of a person who is in love with the correct person is indescribable.

You get what i meant?-she asked me and i said- aye i do but then when you sayang the someone, you will definitely love the person right?

She said no. She said you can sayang the person but you might not love the person. There is a difference. But when love and sayang unite to be one, that feeling,that sensations,all the emotions and everything else is totally totally TOTALLY different and there’s no word to even describe it. (i gave her a blank look). When you sayang the someone, does that means that you wanna spent the rest of your entire life just with him? (she was asking me by the way) NO, was my answer. Precisely, she said. That is the simplest example can i can think off to make you see the difference between this two. But then when you love the person, you feel like you wanna spent the entire of your life and do everything with this person and you will never get bored but that does not mean that you sayang him. you wanna spent the entire of your life with this someone maybe because of the fact that he is handsome?rich?funny?dependable?. all this can be a factor of why you love him and wanna spent your whole life with him and when you actually think very carefully about it, you will sooner or later realise that you don’t sayang him, you don’t care about him that much, you just love him because of his other things. make sense? (i think it does despite of the fact that it is confusing.)

She said, completeness. This is what you will feel if you’re genuinely in love and sayang the person. And when the person is gone, you will feel this big empty space within yourself and a humongous gap between you and the rest of the world. that kindda feelings is what that make most of the marriage couple lasted for eternity. That feeling of completeness while with the person. Even though the person did found someone else that he/she will sayang whole heartedly, does not mean that, he/she will feel complete or feel like this is the one that i wanna spent my whole entire life with. You will only feel complete when you are with the person that you ought to be with. Look deep down in your heart with your brain and pray, you will know and understand every heartbeat of it because we human beings, tend to mistake every signal of the heart and our desires and yearnings and needs and our thinking and everything else. So pray and look deep down real with real care because that many people are so blessed, sometime when you asked an older man or women, how did they manage to stay married for 50 years or more, they will say, commitment and other things. But the correct answer when they have met their soul mate is, a feeling. THE END.

She had made her point and she tried her best to made me understand bits and parcels of it. and thank god, my thinking is real good because as much as i hate to say it she had her point and it does however make sense but let me tell you all this matter of heart is bloody confusing. I don’t get it when she first told me, but as i sat down and rethink of everything that she said, i see what she means. Never knew that my mummy is good at this. HE-HE-HE!!!. This is why i say,

“true love only come by once, that is the signal that we are with our significant other. You can have many lovers in your life, but the feeling and the impact that this one make upon you, is just DIFFERENT.( if this is even the word to describe it). many lovers but only one can rule your heart. ”

Okay now i sounded like one philosopher like that. i thinked i’ve read too many historical romance and watched too many hindustan movies for the almost 18 years of my life. HAHA!!! Better stop now.

Ps: please don’t forget to make a mental note that i don’t need your blessings in any of my say.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-28T18:48:00.000-07:00

SALAM

What have i been up too lately almost every night if i am not online? HAH! Only god knows. Aye Daniel? HAHA!!!

This particular thing keep playing in my mind. Why is it that suddenly i am beginning to miss him? HAH!! Everyday i will wait for him to text me or ring me up. HAH! What is happening to me? HAH! Not a single darn clue! Haha.

why is it that i am missing my hindustan hours? Why am i beginning to miss akshay kumar terribly? Why is it that i miss all the mixed feeling that i have while watching them? why is it that i missed all the love story in them?

i am missing that particular habit of mine which loves to read historical romance. I miss all those books. Lately it seems like i have got no time for it.

ryt now i feel like it is the fasting month. I miss the geylang bazaar and the foods that i can find there. I feel like raya is in a few weeks time. Whats up with me? i have got no clue.

On a heavier note. i don’t know why but it pains me to see what a ______ he has changed to be. He was trying his best to hide his flaws until he is losing on every little pleasure of life. he is trying to changed real bad until he was blinded to hear the pleading of his heart. He was determined to prove himself better but all i see is that he is losing his own battle. And i have got not a single clue of why is it that i kindda feel hurt by it. why huh? i don’t know man. Sometimes when i think of who he is now, shattered my heart. Unknowingly, tears from this eyes start to drip. One drop at a time then two then three then... what have you become into? Is this who you really wanna be? I see such a sad and lonely person inside you. why are you trying to play a game that you know will hurt u and eat away all your happiness? What are you trying to prove to the world?

You were fine when you’re with me. i see that confidence in you, that strength, that boldness in your every move, that secured feelings, that desire of having the fantastic career and all. when you’re with me, you’re just like at home. It’s like you have nothing else to fear. You acted like you have found the place where you belong. Wait, enuff. Enuff.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-22T19:38:00.000-07:00

SALAM

I am coming back to my senses now. I swear I am. Slowly aye. I am coming back to my senses. I admit it is not easy but I will not yield. Slowly I am going to be under control. I am sorry mummy and daddy for letting you guys down within those months. I am sorry to my fwens who have to put up with my every nonsensical behaviour. I am sorry for my language. I am sorry for hurting you people. I am sorry Daniel for pissing you off. I am just sorry for the way I’ve been for the past few months.

I’ve come to my senses now. I really have (slowly). Be patience with me. Recovering me is not an easy process. I will be needing help but at the same time be nice to me. It’s hard to help oneself when you don’t have the confidence. I give up everything because I am losing faith in this fucked up life of mine. I don’t wanna study anymore because I hate the fact that I am in RP.i blame myself for not doing my best in my O’s. I forgot of the fact that I am not the only one who has to go thru all this shit. I forgot the fact that there might be some other people out there who is going thru worst than me. I forgot the vows that I’ve taken for the sake of my parents. I have forgotten everything.

I am always on top of whatever I am doing. I always live up to everyone’s expectations. I play everyone’s game darn bloody well. I was the best. And I am proud of myself for that. I work hard for what I want and when I want it. I need no one’s advice. Even the hardest criticism does not affect me one bit. when I had my goals set, when I have straighten up myself, when I am all set to defy every written fate of mine nothing will ever stopped me unless of course myself. I am the worst critic of myself. Remember that nothing just nothing that u people will be saying will affect me unless it’s my own words.

Mummy and daddy. I remember a few years back I take an oath. An oath that I will study my arse out all for your sake. I remember it now. I’ve forgotten it during those few months but now I remember it vividly. I will straighten up myself. I will. Though I didn’t exactly plan to be in RP but I will make it happen. In a way or another. I will make you proud of me. You gave me everything that I want and I will make you proud. I will be on the top of my game again. The oath is my life.

Studies have not been so sweet to me like it was while I was in sec 4 but that is how things are always with me. I will work it all out and I will make it happen. I will be on the top and dear fwens and readers don’t even assume that you what I am all about because I will never show my true self to anyone. Think again, do you really know me????

Even by reading my blog and lj what prove do you have to say that you know what I am all about?? Grow up peeps; try to look at things from a different angle...

But surely, I am coming back to my senses and I will be on the top. Slowly I will make my way up...

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

SALAM

i've changed the song.hahs.let's get the party started shall we?
the CUBA ways. it's been so long since i did this particular crazy dance with me mates!
well, i will be doing it soon, aye?
hahas. so watcha waiting for.
lossen up babe!
party like this is the last day of your life!
forget the world!
grab any jack daniels or chivas that u can reach for!
let the rythm flow thru ur every vein!
let the song take control of ur heart!
grab a partner!
ladies,make sure u whine that booty of yours!
while the guys, remember to breath and stand aside if u carn handle ur desires!!!
let lose ya'all!

ok da enuff, i'm exaggerating!

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

SALAM

hahs. i seriously cannot keep this to myself.
was thinking of something to do since most of me mates are out to the sentosa life a beach thingy.
suspect the place will be crowded like what like that,makes me lazy wanna tact along.
so i get a pen and my old book(which i recently found it).
i used to wirte many things in there.(a reason why i am good at my language,last time!) used to think of someone
that caught my attention and then poof!
there i go into my fantasy realm.
i begin to think of him(mr.spiky)
and this is the result of it!!!!!

You did it secretly

you took this heart
With magic you did the magic

Whether i am awake or asleep
I stay lost in his thoughts, his dreams
My soul dances

You drive me crazy

Neither does he know
Nor is it his fault
I’ve fallen for him
Please tell him

Slowly,slowly in admitting his love
Sometimes is waiting for him
In his love
My soul dances

You drive me crazy

I came here
I went there
Still i thought each moment of him
Wherever i am and whenever i want
Be it day or night
That he is with me
Whenever his thought’s came
My soul dances

You drive me crazy

You did it secretly

you took this heart

With magic you did the magic

You drive me crazy

"seriously, i am missing him. its been sucha long time. nobody have ever made me feel this way. until today i still think about him and i always relieved back those moments.i won't lie that deep down in this particular heart of mine, i am and still am head over heels with him. i gave him so many hints yet! he never get it! pffffffffftttttttttttttttt"

he drives me crazy!

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-19T23:36:00.000-07:00

SALAM

There is so many things that i wanna say but it’s so hard to say it all in here. I mean in one shot in one post. It’s gonna be sickeningly long. So i think i’ll say them slowly.

This how i fyl before and after everything that have happened in my life.

I admit there is a limit to which love can go.
I do agree, there is a limit to one’s patience.
I agree my heart beat is only for my lover.
I agree there is a limit to which i can yield.
My love,
In love when fear gripped my heart
The distance between us, my heart cannot take
I went so crazy, i could understand nothing
In love when fear gripped my heart
The distance between us, my heart cannot take
My love
In love i must live and die
Without love, i have nothing to do
I’m not going to fear the world anymore
Love possess every heart beat of mine
But love this is what i believe
To fall in love, isn’t easy
It’s very difficult
Those that tread the path of love, never find their goals
In love, you gain nothing
What is love?
Nobody could ever understand

“Beloved, in love, you gain nothing , nothing.....for u will never find your goal”.

Those words summarizes everything in short. there is so many meanings to this. so many...

take note,that this is my say..i don't need ur blessings in my say.remember that.

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-13T21:00:00.000-07:00

SALAM

It’s raining right now. Lately (to be honest), these rains awake this weird emotion within me. It makes me realise of this incompleteness within me. It makes me yearn for something. It make me realise, lying to myself is not an easy task. Trying to keep this smile and laughter isn’t easy. One thing that I am proud of myself is that I fake everything till I make it but in the end, myself is being punished for it.

I laughed, I jest around, and I make every stupid lame remark just to listen to the laughter of the people around me. And for the sake of covering everything up. It hurts. To know that nobody knows what’s really going on in this human called FYZA. While I always tried my hardest to understand everyone until I give up, everyone just never seemed to understand me. Is this the punishment that I had to face for all of my sins??

In order to punish him I had to punish myself. I had to swallow all the bitterness that comes with it. I remember when I made the decision. The decision that broke all other relationship and friendship. The decision that made me hates myself for it. That decision that haunts me awake. That decision and its reasons...

He has never asked me why?? Why did I do it?? Why did I?? Is it really loved?? What makes him so special until I arrived to that decision?? Why did I defy all the laws in the world?? Why to everything?? He has never asked me that question before. Never. He has seeked the reasons to my decision. He and the world thought it was love but it never was and it never is and never will it be.... Asked me, then maybe u MIGHT understand everything. Just maybe...

Everyone said I am interesting, special and everything that they can never think of. Having me in their life is sucha blessing in disguise. I understand without needing the help of words. The powers of my words. I managed to know even without knowing anything. They said that that is truly a gift and its sucha wonderful give anyone can ever asked for, understanding and knowing everything(if that’s the word).

But if u asked me. It’s a curse. A curse that took away my every real happiness. I had to pay this GIFT through with my happiness. The happiness that will never reach within me. All the happiness that I have, had is just momentarily. The happiness that will keep me contented is never there. I had to keep quiet when my close fwen is too into her bf and forgets me. I had to bottle everything up till I cannot take it. I had to keep my every detailed emotion to myself just so that people will never get bored of me and my never ending sad stories. I need to hide this incompleteness and emptiness just so that I don’t need to talk about it and move on. I swallow every drop of my tears because this world needs me. I need to be alryt for them so that they know; I am here and will always be here whenever they needed me. So that they know they’re not alone. I will be with them in every step that they take. Hahas. Why am I born this way? I’ve got no darn bloody clue.

I wanna share this feeling with someone. Someone who understand it. Someone who will never judge but just listens. I am willing to share if you are willing to know and understand for I am losing my grip. Bit by bit, slowly, I am losing it all. This pain, this tormented heart, everything. I am losing it all.....

So do you really think that I am who I am whenever I am with you? The saying ‘SEEING IS BELIEVING’, it can never be used to describe and judge me.

“I’ll fake it until I make it. I am a player for I know my game well enough. All this hidden feelings in killing me within. I just wanna cry in the arm that is willing to embrace me and everything that comes with me.”

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-12T17:36:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Wellwellwell. Just started the blog and looked whatever happened to my tag board. Hahas. I was smiling while reading the passerby tagged. I don’t know why I find it hilarious. Serious shit. Fyza outta love? Where did u get the facts? What do you know about my love? U sure what I posted is really what I feel? There is many sides to fyza. In the first place. Does u even know what on earth is I REALLY talking about? _l_. Cool ke what?? wakaka

Lyf have been interesting since the day I met this girl named SITI NUR FARINA! Hahas. I was at town that day doing some shopping’s alone when I bumped into her at taka bra sections. Was looking at those bras with many emotions. HA-HA. When she surprised me. since we’re both alone, we did our shopping’s together. And then as usual we will grab a bite and get updated with each other’s life. She was my partner in crime last tym. We did many crazy (if that’s even the word) stuff-S. And now, she is trying her mighty best to get me to be like last tym (which is super not working) =P. Too bad Rinn-y! but so far love, everything is interesting and it feels good. ;D

On a random note. Do you know that it kills me to follow your every wants? Do you know that I am not feeling anything for you? do you know that we’re worlds apart? Why dun u get it when I said I don’t wanna have any strings attached? Why are you forcing me? maybe your’re the kind who seize every opportunity that come your way. But not me. I am the kind who goes with the flow. I keep my cool. My past thot me many things. why doesn’t u ever understand that? I wanna be with nobody. I am happy and contented with my lyf right now. I have Daniel, bff, fwens and everybody else by my side. Why should there be a relationship if its base on false feelings? Why must there be a relationship when I am not feeling anything for you? would you want that? I know you’ve been waiting for the moment when I said I am single. But why u never gets it that I dun feel the chemistry between us? maybe u felt it. but I didn’t. To me you’re just my guy fwen. I can give u what u wants. I can fulfil your every needs and wants except for this two things. I cannot. Forgive me. hurting u is the last thing that I want and I hate the feeling that comes after it but. If u wanna have relationship based on your feelings and u believe that it’s enough for u, so be it. I’ve spoken before and I won’t repeat it anymore. I never mistaken flings and infatuations as love. it takes two to tango my love. and for the both of us to fyl the bliss of what relationship has to offer is to have a sincere feelings for the both of us. but if you’re ready to be hurt by me. den the game begin...

Never said that I give u hopes and everything else because I’ve made it clear to you before. I’ve spoken. And believe me. the hurt that I will cause u later on. Will have an impact on you.....

“once I entered your lyf. I’ll make sure I’ll make an impact on it. I know myself well enough. My words is never a lie, you out of many people know it.....”

KHUDAFIZ

2009-06-10T09:40:00.000-07:00

SALAM

This is specially to FATIN relating to her post (Tuesday,9/6/09). Heee

I carn agree more to her post. I have a guy bff. He is really the best bff. His appearance in my lyf is sucha a blessings in disguise. I was at my breaking point when he entered my lyf. i was on the verge of letting go of everything in my lyf. I was losing my grip. I was losing my sanity and everythin. Then there he came into my lyf.

He taught me things. things about guys. He taught me what guys really are. He filled me up with knowledge about this species called –a guy with a dick- and suddenly. Everything become clear to me. bit by bit the he lifted the my burden unknowingly.

He said. “guys, they will only leave the gerl for 2 reasons. First, he have got what he wanted. Second, he got flings with ota gerls. (i thinked,i carn recall). Only this 2 reasons”

“guys,they are sucha sweet talker. They will sweet talked to you just to make u lyk them so that u will give them the attentioned and everything else that they want. They are a flirty. They will neva stop and they will never had enough. They will always give empty promises and they have never cared about ur fylins. They are very selfish. They will do whateva it takes to make u believe them. but once u believed them, they will turn to other gerls. They are so full of shit.”

“never ever trust the words that come out from guys mouth. They will always tell the world and their fwens and everybody that it was their gf fault. Because of their gf, they both had to break. They will always make it seems lyk its never their fault. They will tell things to others(anything) so that they never get the bad name. Have ever a guy told u that , “it was fault.it was me that causes the break” have they? Have they actually took the full responsibility? Have they actually admit the truth?”

“guys. They will be having flings and flings with every gerl that they met. To others and to the gerl they will said that its love but its just plainly fling! See what a confused kid they totally are? They demand the gerl to understand them but it was just for the sake of it. nothing more. nothing less even.”

This is what i have to say “hearing it comin from a guy himself and who have so many experience. Is so refreshing. But at the same tym it made me hate this species called –a-human-being-with-dick-and-no-breast- more. He reasoned with me and make me see things much much more clearly. We debated like there’s no tmr about this topic called GUYS. And trust me i learned alot! thanx bff.! ;D”

He told me “when the guy is confused , when he keep saying its love. trust me its not. u can never love so many people at one tym. This just shows that he have not grown up and is not matured and can be simply put it as BODOH! And gerls who believed them is also BODOH. Gerls are so bodoh. They always believe the words that come out from guys. Gerls are just so bloody naive(sumpah aku terase)” .

Bottom line dear readers, my say is this:

“ you can only love once in this lyf tho u have many lovers thert will one be one TRUE love.”

KHUDAFIZ

School

2009-06-08T22:04:00.000-07:00

SALAM

Nice song aye? hahs. I love the lyrics and the rhythm to it. there’s hidden meanin to this song. And it’s so dearly to me.

Tym is flying so fast. It’s already the second week of the holidays (I dun lyk it). Seriously. I really hate that poly. I hate the system there. It’s so freaking fucked up.! I am super not proud to be and RP-ian. But let’s just count my blessings. Oh well.

Like no lyf ok. Every damn day. U needs to do presentation??!! Lyk what the fuck? If twice or thrice a week then its ok(I think). But if it’s every dam bloody day?? Not only that. It’s a team effort. After every four lessons you will be changing team. If you’re lucky. Your team will be awesome. If not??. Go do the math yourself!pfffft!

Started the semester with one motive in mind. To fall in love with my course. But the moment I start, things went the other way round.(fyza fyza) because what we’re studying now have got nothing related to my course. You tell me, what have blood gotta do with my course? What has science got to do with my course? HA-HA-HA. ZOMG!

Btw, W14G-s, you are all greatly miss by me!!!!

KHUDAFIZ

baby post!

2009-06-06T00:07:00.000-07:00

SALAM

yes ok.i've establish my blog(again). hannah helped me with this since it's been so long.seriously, i dun know why. i still prefer lj.(tho i still dun know how to use it!) i still prefer it.
oh well..there's many many factors that made me open up this blog again. oh fuck it..

moving on.

Lyf hadn’t been so kind to me since school starts. I still remember what aunt said. “Once school starts u’re gonna be faced with many things. from your relationship to your studies to your fwens. Its going to be sucha challenge and its not going to be easy. Be strong and prepare yourself. Just be patience and remember. Be strong” i remember them vividly. Right up till now. I still remember them. never once did i forget it. never once.

This fact really affected me. i kept asking myself. Why carn my lyf be just so normal? Be lyk those of my fwens? Why carn i be blessed to be in a relationship with the guy that i love and he love me back? why must there always be jelousy among my fwens and i? Why carn my lyf be simple and normal? Why must it always be complicated? Why it can never be simple and just plain normal, just plain normal??

I still remember that time when i told him. we’re on the way back from town i think. Despite of the surroundings(crowded MRT and we’re standing) i did told him. the fact frighten me. it scares the hell out of me. i never knew that he would understand. I doubted it. but i was caught in the moment. I told him. and his reactions was surprisingly warm and full of tenderness. He told me this and that and all. He paid attention to me and he tried his best to make me feel betta. For the first tym he saw my weakness. I was and is styl scared. I was just so scared of whats gonna happened between us. i was afraid of losing him again. I was scared of losing the fwen that i cared the most. I was scared that i will lose everything. how will i survive? Can i manage it again? Can i handle it again? I never knew. But the comfort that i get from him when i told him. the strength that he gives me that day thru his words and his eyes. Was enough to make me stand back on my feet. Thats the power of his words. Thats how he was to me. the pillar of my strength. The one who knows the real me. him.

But sadly, we allow everything that happened to get the betta of us. we changed when we are in the new surroundings. He into this ________________. (i carn be bothered to say) and me. who feels that her ego is being put to the test . who feels that her silence is being taken as an advantaged again. I refused to understand him, telling myself that its tym that he understands me.i’ve give in too much the ota tym. but when i tried to make him understand. Everything went haywired. Everything when so wrong. Just so wrong.
He gave everything up. He said things. things and confessions that is meant to hurt. but again, his eyes give him away. Hahas. eyes are the window to the soul. It takes a lot from the person to understand the ota person’s eyes. I wun lie. It takes alot. and his, is not that easy. Ryt up till today. he still managed to hurt me thru his actions and everything . but still, his eyes give him away.

Dear you,

“It seems lyk what my aunt said is true afterall. Its......Oh, wats the point of saying it now?.... oh
well”

KHUDAFIZ